


My Attendance Is Bad, But My Intentions Are Good

by hanwritessolo



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 01:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12924765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanwritessolo/pseuds/hanwritessolo
Summary: Crowe knows her friends too well. So when Nyx sends an unlikely message in the Glaive group chat saying how he wanted to throw a surprise party for their Captain Drautos, Crowe immediately eyed it in suspicion. She was pretty certain they just had a party a couple of days back. What kind of trouble is Nyx planning this time?





	My Attendance Is Bad, But My Intentions Are Good

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM Glaives, we have a situation._

Crowe was still awake in the comfort of her bed when she caught Nyx’s message in the Glaive group chat—one that Tredd renamed _lil fuckaz_ for the heck of it earlier—and she followed the trail of messages that popped in her phone screen.

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM I know you guys won’t believe this but_

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM Check the captain’s calendar_

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM and get this: he’s free tomorrow_

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM AND HE’S NEVER FREE_

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM And then I remembered_

_Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM WHY OF COURSE_

_Luche Lazarus 3:03 AM yes nyx we know it’s the captain’s bday tomorrow_

Crowe smiled at Nyx’s overeager message thread; knowing Nyx, she immediately assumed her good lad of a friend was somewhere in downtown Insomnia, drinking his stress away. Also, she didn’t expect Luche to be awake at this hour. In any case, something about this conversation confused her. Apart from Nyx’s rowdy chat etiquette—which she was fairly used to—what bugged Crowe was her memory of things: she clearly remembered getting partied out a couple of nights back thanks to Drautos’s birthday party hosted by no less than the Glaive’s personally-dubbed veteran party animal, Clarus Amicitia.

There was a brief minute of pause in the group chat commotion, and then:

_Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Nobody asked you Luche stfu_

_Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Anyway. As I was saying._

_Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Yes, it’s the captain’s birthday tomorrow_

_Luche Lazarus 3:04 AM i’m willing to bet my ass you’re planning an outrageous surprise party_

_Nyx Ulric 3:04 AM You can bet your pasty ass i will and WE SHALL DO IT_

Before Crowe could even chime in, Pelna already butted in the conversation, and started wreaking his own havoc:

_Pelna Khara 3:05 AM count me the fuck in_

_Pelna Khara 3:05 AM i’ll buy the cake_

_Pelna Khara 3:05 AM clarus didn’t let me buy the book cake last Year :(_

_Pelna Khara 3:05 AM *boob_

_Pelna Khara 3:05 AM ***boobs_

_Pelna Khara 3:06 AM had to correct that so y’all know the cake was shaped as a pair of boobs not just one_

Of course, where there was trouble, Crowe already thought that Tredd was close by, raring to add to this steaming pile of shenanigans.

And when Crowe saw his name pop into her screen, she grinned. When it came to her personal assessment of her friends, Crowe was always right.

_Tredd Furia 3:06 AM lmao_

_Tredd Furia 3:06 AM i’ll go buy the booze my fam_

_Tredd Furia 3:06 AM also is it just me or nyx is using punctuation marks or am i just 2 high_

_Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM Fuck you Tredd_

_Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM I was trying to drive a point_

_Pelna Khara 3:07 AM nah tredd just too high i can secondhand smoke your joint even from here_

_Tredd Furia 3:07 AM fuck u pelna :) :) :)_

_Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM Anyway thanks guys, we’ll do this in briefing room A_

_Luche Lazarus 3:08 AM i didn’t agree to the alcohol losers but whatever_

_Nyx Ulric 3:09 AM u scared daddy’s gonna dish out some disciplinary action, leader? ;)_

_Luche Lazarus 3:09 AM fuck u_

_Axis Arra 3:10 AM i can’t believe tredd woke me up for this shit_

_Nyx Ulric 3:10 AM And Crowe, I know you’re awake I can see your tiny bubble just lurking in this convo_

_Pelna Khara 3:11 AM wow axis just responded to a group chat conversation_

_Pelna Khara 3:11 AM blessed be the stars_

_Tredd Furia 3:11 AM this surprise party’s gonna be litttttt af_

_Nyx Ulric 3:12 AM hi there axis you and sonitus take care of the food_

_Axis Arra 3:13 AM ok_

While the conversation rolled along, Crowe still had this nagging feeling that the entire arrangement was too… odd. Luche easily joining this nonsense was already out of the ordinary, but Axis—quiet and soft-spoken Axis Arra—replying to this mess and just _agreed_ to help organize this shitstorm? Crowe had seen her friends do strange things, but this one weirdly made her queasy. Not to mention, they have been acting rather funny around her these past couple of days. She stared at her phone screen, trying to rake her thoughts on that last party. She was definitely sure that party _happened._ She could still taste the acrid smoke from that sordid bar, and she could still remember hooking up with that heavily tattooed man whose name was the only thing that she lost in her nebulous memory.

Just when Crowe was about to protest for a clarification, another message arrived from Nyx:

_Nyx Ulric 3:15 AM btw where tf is Libertus at_

_Luche Lazarus 3:15 AM Poor Libertus Ostium, he is missing action_

_Luche Lazarus 3:15 AM So now I’m facing Nyx Ulric with his own faction_

_Pelna Khara 3:16 AM he’s very attractive in the north, Lucians like his chances_

_Tredd Furia 3:16 AM he’s not very forthcoming on any particular chances_

_Nyx Ulric 3:17 AM Gdi you all have been making hamilton references for a MONTH_

_Nyx Ulric 3:17 AM Can we get back to the task at hand please_

Crowe sighed in exasperation as she scrolled away to more chunks of messages. Before the chat group could spiral into a new brand of trouble and out of its original topic, she finally managed to type her response:

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM libertus ran an errand with the crown prince’s advisor glasses boy_

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM anyway_

_Nyx Ulric 3:19 AM THERE’S OUR FAVORITE MAGE_

_Pelna Khara 3:19 AM hi crowe moon of our lives_

_Tredd Furia 3:19 AM our khaleesi is here_

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM you guys are fucking idiots_

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM ANYWAY wasn’t the captain’s birthday three days ago???_

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM pelna you even posted photos on your instagram acct_

_Crowe Altius 3:18 AM With the caption “today the Big D was born let us rejoice”_

Crowe sat up on her bed and waited for a reply, but she later realized that she just unleashed a treasure trove of disaster with her last statement:

_Pelna Khara 3:19 AM hey u gotta love that caption_

_Tredd Furia 3:19 AM and u gotta love the Big D_

_Nyx Ulric 3:20 AM i know luche does ;)_

_Luche Lazarus 3:20 AM haha very funny nyx_

_Tredd Furia 3:22 AM hahahahahahaha nyx gdi i choked on my fucking beer_

_Pelna Khara 3:22 AM that was some mighty fine dish that got served_

_Luche Lazarus 3:22 AM u sure u didn’t choke on some big d tredd :)_

_Tredd Furia 3:22 AM nope. but hey luche_

_Tredd Furia 3:22 AM ur ass is grass_

_Tredd Furia 3:22 AM and imma mow it_

_Axis Arra 3:23 AM eyyyy_

_Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM LMAO OK SEXUAL TENSION ASIDE_

_Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM Relax you guys_

_Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM I know we all love our big captain drautos so much_

_Crowe Altius 3:24 CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION YOU BAGS OF HELPLESS DICKS_

_Pelna Khara 3:24 AM as you wish khaleesi forgive our brethren_

_Pelna Khara 3:24 AM to answer your question: yes, but that party was from the higher ups_

_Pelna Khara 3:24 AM his actual birthday is tomorrow_

_Pelna Khara 3:24 AM crowe my sun and stars trust me on this_

_Luche Lazarus 3:25 AM i can confirm pelna’s statements_

_Tredd Furia 3:25 AM same_

_Axis Arra 3:25 AM ^^^_

_Sonitus Bellum 3:25 AM hi_

_Nyx Ulric 3:25 AM i confirm pelna’s statements as well_

_As well?_ Nyx hated attaching that in any phrase, Crowe remembered, for reasons beyond her. Despite the group’s typical rascally response, Crowe still felt skeptical about the whole affair. With reservation, she decided to give her overthinking head a rest and get along with their shady plan.

She quickly thumbed another message:

_Crowe Altius 3:28 AM fine whatever_

_Crowe Altius 3:28 AM count me in_

_Crowe Altius 3:28 AM anything i need to do nyx?_

She chewed on her lip, praying to the gods that she won’t be assigned with something out of her comfort zone, so she added:

_Crowe Altius 3:28 AM and by anything, i mean anything except talking to the other commanding officers and anyone from the lucian council pls_

Crowe particularly had a severe dislike talking with her other superiors, specifically Cor, Clarus, and even King Regis himself, after saying something completely inappropriate at a Kingsglaive gala two years prior. After that embarrassment, she sealed everyone outside of her Glaive circle for self-preservation.

The sudden inactivity in the chat group made Crowe want to throw another message for good measure, until Luche broke the momentary radio silence:

_Luche Lazarus 3:33 AM more booze_

_Crowe Altius 3:34 AM right_

_Nyx Ulric 3:35 AM You’re the best, thanks_

_Nyx Ulric 3:35 AM Let’s all meet tomorrow at 2pm sharp_

_Nyx Ulric 3:36 AM I’ll try to stall the captain to give us time for prep_

Crowe sank back to her sheets and turned off her phone so she could finally get some decent shut eye without the distraction from the Glaive chat group. She stared at the ceiling, trying to quell the unusual excitement  that bubbled up in her chest, until it was brutally ambushed by a feeling that often creeped up on her whenever she started to enjoy any form of happiness.

On occasions such as these, Crowe wondered how celebrating birthdays would feel like. It was not as if she wanted to keep her birthday from everyone else—she just never knew what her actual birth date was. Having brought up as an orphan, she had figured that birthdays were only afforded to people living with their biological parents. Or people with legitimate paperwork. She had neither the luxury of those things. Sometimes, she would look at herself in the mirror, study her face, and scrutinize her chocolate brown hair, her brown eyes, and the angular structure of her cheekbones. Crowe thought that maybe, this was how her mother would have looked like, or her father...

Crowe groaned in disdain. She didn’t need the pity party at this ungodly time. She pulled the sheets over her head as she promptly derailed the depressing train of thought, pressed her eyes shut, and forced herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Crowe did as she was told and brought additional liquor with her on her way to the Kingsglaive HQ. She was pretty certain that alcoholic drinks were prohibited around the Citadel premises, but no one seemed to have caught her, so she just casually marched on toward the hallway. She rounded into a corner, where she saw Nyx standing by the doorway leading to the briefing room, holding his phone close to his ear.

When he saw Crowe approaching, he tucked his phone in his jacket. Nyx nervously beamed, “Hey there!”

Crowe raised an eyebrow out of suspicion. “What are you doing outside? Where are the others?”

Nyx answered, “Well, actually, they’re on their way but Captain Drautos is already coming in any minute—“

“Weren’t you supposed to be the one to keep him occupied?” Crowe asked, narrowing her eyes at Nyx. She had a bad feeling about this.

Nyx held her by the shoulders. “Yes, but change of plans. Look, can you please help holding off on the Captain for a while—“

Crowe instantly shrugged his hands off. “Nope.”

“Please?”

“Not interested.”

“With a cherry on top?”

“Gods, Nyx—you had _one_ job.”

“Alright, fine,” Nyx ceased making any further effort, raising both his hands in casual surrender.

 _That was surprisingly easy,_ Crowe thought. If anything, Nyx was persistent, but this...

She let it slide. Crowe rolled her eyes and sauntered past Nyx. She opened the door and—

“Surprise!”

The confetti exploded from the party poppers in myriad of colors, together with the booming voices of the rest of the Glaives. The entire open space of the briefing room was filled with familiar faces—Libertus, Pelna, and Tredd each had a Li’l Malbuddy balloon in their hands, while Axis, Sonitus, and Luche carried a Li’l Malbuddy plush toy. The walls were decorated with scarlet-colored streamers and rows of gold letter balloons.

It took a while for Crowe to register that the balloons spelled a _Happy Birthday Crowe!_ which totally did not make sense to her at all.

“Wait, what’s going on? I thought—guys, is this a fucking prank?” She bewilderedly trailed off. She was about to lash out until she saw Captain Drautos walking towards her, which even added more confusion to this entire event. “Captain?”

Drautos shook his head and addressed the Glaives. “You fools, I told you she wouldn’t get it if I didn’t give this to her first,” he casually smacked Nyx at the back of the head. They all burst out laughing. “Anyway, it’s because of this—“

The captain handed a brown envelope to Crowe, which she flipped open. Inside was a record, a file with her full name and her… birthdate.

Crowe gasped and croaked out the words in disbelief. “Wait, today’s… my birthday?”

“We found your records with Clarus’s help,” Drautos explained. “I regret ever mentioning it to Nyx as soon as I found out—the word spread like wildfire among your peers. It was a surprise that you didn’t find it out, with Nyx being a loudmouthed idiot. Anyway, the Glaives thought of throwing you a surprise party since you’ve never celebrated your birthday with us before—or uh, I’m sorry, I mean, it’s not that you didn’t want—“

“It’s fine, sir,” Crowe stared at the file she was holding. There it was, written in permanent ink: full details of her birthplace and birthdate. It didn’t disclose any info on her biological parents, but Crowe couldn’t care less. She read and reread, helplessly trying to wrap her head around all of this, until all she could say was: “Thank you. Really, guys, thank you—but wait. That thing in the chat was…”

“That was actually Nyx about to spill the beans with his drunken little mouth,” Pelna admitted, stepping closer with the Li’l Malbuddy balloon hovering above his head. The rest of the Glaives followed, gathering around Crowe. Pelna continued, “I was with him so I had to punch him right in the mouth for being dumb. We had a different chat group specifically for Operation Crowe. We humbly thank the gods that Luche was just smooth enough to save that conversation and we _all_ had to improvise to throw you off the scent.”

“Well, someone had to keep you guys in check so you’re welcome,” Luche smugly added. “And by the way, you gotta thank the crown prince’s advisor for this merch. He tipped us off on where to find these.” Luche, Axis, and Sonitus rewarded Crowe with the Li’l Malbuddy plushies.

“You guys were… all together in this?” Crowe asked, and strangely enough, she was genuinely touched by the idea that everyone joined for this effort. She wanted to squeeze everyone into a hug and beat them all up for giving her feelings.

“Of course—everything for our little sister,” Nyx grinned, slinging an arm around Crowe’s shoulders.

“Don’t make me claw your eyes out,” Crowe said, elbowing him on his side that Nyx winced in pain.

“Whatever. Happy birthday, munchkin,” Nyx hugged Crowe. With the thought finally sinking in, tears of utmost happiness began to threaten her eyes. She wanted to punch herself in the face for wanting to cry.

Crowe looked curiously at Nyx, still controlling herself with her happy tears. “So is this why you guys have been acting weird for the past days?”

“See, I told you guys she’ll notice,” Libertus remarked. “Now, give her the damn cake before she starts crying!”

“I’m not crying! There’s just, I don’t know, a rock in my eye...” Crowe sniffed, and the rest of the crew laughed.

Libertus playfully shoved Nyx away from Crowe and wrapped her into a big bear hug. “Happy birthday, Crowe.”

“Thank you guys so much,” Crowe said with a teary-eyed smile on her face.

Roaring fits of laughter bellowed around the room when Pelna finally brought out a ghastly dick-shaped cake with a candle sitting at its tip.

Tredd announced, “So I know Pelna promised a boob cake, but Luche wanted the D—“

“It was the only cake available, asshat—“ Luche interrupted with a sneer. Everyone was still laughing at the atrocity of the confection in front of them.

“Sorry Luche, the D’s not for you,” Pelna teased. “Give this one a blow, baby girl.”

“Oh my god, I hate all of you!” Crowe laughed and cried. When it came to the business of brewing the finest hilarity and crazy antics, Crowe couldn’t trust anyone else aside from her comrades.

Everyone joined in and sang her an equally cheery and drunken _happy birthday_. And on occasions like these, Crowe found it difficult to permit herself to relish the happiness. But in the company of the people Crowe now considered as family, she finally did—and there was no place in Eos that she would rather be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing my Kingsglaive babies having a good time, okay. Also, idk how or why, but I headcanon Luche as a theatre nerd. And I have fuckton of other headcanons for the other Glaives which I should find the time to write and organize, lmao.


End file.
